At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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