you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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