So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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