If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
