He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
