its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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