Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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