dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
