I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
