You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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