Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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