my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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