yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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