i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
