seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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