Jerry, you need to find god
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
