hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
