You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
