Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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