Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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