I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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