and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
