I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
