What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
