I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
