His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
