Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
