My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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