Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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