I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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