My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
