She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
