Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
