It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
