she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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