I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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