im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
