Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
