He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
