So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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