I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
