Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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