he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
