new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
