I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
