He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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