what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
