it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
