She said her name was "party"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
