Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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