I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
