he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
