Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
