she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
