We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
