I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
