I can tuck mytits in my pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He better not be in your backpack
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
