She said her name was "party"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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